Horror Movie Survival Kit
Life can turn into a horror movie at any time. One second you’re enjoying a weekend getaway in the woods with a few close friends and the next you’re running from an axe wielding maniac / inbred hillbilly / supernatural monster. Or, you’re heading to work when the zombie apocalypse hits / you cross paths with a vampire / piss off a clan of vampire clowns / cut off a haunted car / etc.
Seriously, you have no idea what’s going to happen tomorrow.
If you’d like to defeat the evil antagonistic force and live another day, you’re going to have to be prepared. The awesome folks at Man Crates are always thinking ahead. I like that in a company. Man Crates, if you don’t know, specializes in creating awesome gifts for men. They’re so awesome, in fact, that they arrive in a wooden crate and have to be opened with a crow bar.
Man Crates already offers a Zombie Annihilation crate that no family should be without. So when they asked me to pitch in and help with a Horror Movie Survival Kit, I jumped at the opportunity. The essential items to surviving any horror movie, be it zombies, slasher, demon infested house or pissed off ghosts, are below:
A Clear Head
People in horror movies do stupid things. It’s not their fault. Once in the grip of panic it’s all too easy to make a fatal mistake. Learn to keep your wits about you and stay focused through meditation. Can’t stand sitting still that long? Do simple deep breathing exercises. Inhale for a count of hour – exhale for a count of four. Start practicing now.
(Kudos to you if you look like this guy.)
We have a ridiculous number of guns in the US and, not surprisingly, a ridiculous number of gun related tragedies. But this article isn’t about the gun debate, it’s about your survival. Most likely, you’re going to need some firepower; assault rifles, shotguns, fully automatic side arms and a good old fashioned wheel gun that never jams.
Eventually you’re going to run out of silver bullets and shotgun shells. At that point, you’ll have no choice but to flee. What’s on your feet may mean the difference between life and death.
Important note – you’ll want to shine and buff your boots, too. Running for your life is no excuse to look sloppy.
In the end, there can be only one… Survivor, that is. So perhaps your best bet is to surround yourself with friends the antagonistic force will find much easier to devour than you are.
Stay safe out there, friends. LL