If Your Life Turned Into a Horror Movie…

Horror Movie Survival Kit

Ghost girl coming from a wallLife can turn into a horror movie at any time. One second you’re enjoying a weekend getaway in the woods with a few close friends and the next you’re running from an axe wielding maniac / inbred hillbilly / supernatural monster. Or, you’re heading to work when the zombie apocalypse hits / you cross paths with a vampire / piss off a clan of vampire clowns / cut off a haunted car / etc.

Seriously, you have no idea what’s going to happen tomorrow.

If you’d like to defeat the evil antagonistic force and live another day, you’re going to have to be prepared. The awesome folks at Man Crates are always thinking ahead. I like that in a company. Man Crates, if you don’t know, specializes in creating awesome gifts for men. They’re so awesome, in fact, that they arrive in a wooden crate and have to be opened with a crow bar.

Man Crates already offers a Zombie Annihilation crate that no family should be without. So when they asked me to pitch in and help with a Horror Movie Survival Kit, I jumped at the opportunity. The essential items to surviving any horror movie, be it zombies, slasher, demon infested house or pissed off ghosts, are below:

A Clear Head

People in horror movies do stupid things. It’s not their fault. Once in the grip of panic it’s all too easy to make a fatal mistake. Learn to keep your wits about you and stay focused through meditation. Can’t stand sitting still that long? Do simple deep breathing exercises. Inhale for a count of hour – exhale for a count of four. Start practicing now.


(Kudos to you if you look like this guy.)

An Arsenal

We have a ridiculous number of guns in the US and, not surprisingly, a ridiculous number of gun related tragedies. But this article isn’t about the gun debate, it’s about your survival. Most likely, you’re going to need some firepower; assault rifles, shotguns, fully automatic side arms and a good old fashioned wheel gun that never jams.

misty zombies 2

Quality Boots

Eventually you’re going to run out of silver bullets and shotgun shells. At that point, you’ll have no choice but to flee. What’s on your feet may mean the difference between life and death.

clean vintage boots with wax, sponges and brushes

Important note – you’ll want to shine and buff your boots, too. Running for your life is no excuse to look sloppy.

Goofy Friends

In the end, there can be only one… Survivor, that is. So perhaps your best bet is to surround yourself with friends the antagonistic force will find much easier to devour than you are.

Goofy Friends

Stay safe out there, friends. LL

New Short Horror Story

A new short horror story is in the COMING SOON phase now live. Here’s a short sample from Every Every_Other_Weekend_short_horror_storyOther Weekend.

“You said the issue was with your little boy, correct?” It was always best to get started quickly. One never knew how long it would take. Besides, sometimes the spirits hid in clever places; a spider’s web, the folds of a curtain, the square of shadow behind a hanging picture. The small talk gave her time to seek them out.

This new short weighs in at 3,000 words. It’s part of a larger collection of stories currently in progress.

Every Other Weekend goes to subscribers first, as always. These small but heartfelt bonuses are the least I can do for a group that I’m eternally thankful for.

UPDATE: As of today, the story is free for everyone. Click here to read it.

Click the skull on your right to join the tribe. LL


Thorns In Dark Places earned a new review:


I’m honored. RELAXED, the Amazon reviewer, is right that TIDP contains a very different kind of monster. I’ve always found the creatures who hide in broad daylight to be the most compelling. After all, they’re the ones you never see coming.

And to RELAXED, Thank You For Your Reading Time. LL

Grab your copy of Thorns In Dark Places.